Mommy and Part-time Professional

I've recently been struggling with juggling life as a mama and life as a writing and communications professional. It has been difficult lately because I have been playing phone tag with some people I really need to reach for a brochure I am writing. I have two days a week reserved for work, with Lucas at daycare, but inevitably they cannot call me back on those days. Instead, they call me when I am in the pediatrician's office waiting for a flu shot, in the back yard playing in the leaves with Lucas, etc. Then I struggle with what to tell them about why I have been so hard to reach. In their voicemail messages, they say things like, "I'm sorry we haven't been able to connect. I was in meetings all day yesterday." If I told the truth I would say, "I'm sorry I have been so hard to reach. When you called I was trying to convince my toddler that climbing up on mama's computer chair and jumping off is not such a great idea." Or "I couldn't take your call because I had a minor emergency. The water for the macaroni and cheese was boiling just as my son was headed into the kitchen."

Recently a client wanted a meeting on a day when I do have have childcare lined up, and I hesitated to tell him why I could not come that day. Instead, I made a half-dozen calls before finding someplace I could take Lucas for a one-hour meeting that really could have been done another day. And on the way in, I noticed Lucas had rubbed his nose on my shirt and there was, well, yucky stuff, on it.

Don't get me wrong -- I'm so thankful for my work and for the opportunity to be home with Lucas three days a week. But it's definitely a challenging juggling act most days.

Finding a voice, tantrums and germs

For the longest time, I just could not wait to discover what Lucas's little voice would sound like. It's one thing when he's shrieking or squealing, but what would he sound like when he started expressing himself in words? We're finding out, and it's such a delight.

• The first animal sound he mastered was the owl (HOO HOO) I am not sure where he picked it up, except perhaps from my favorite book Oh, The Wonderful Sounds Mr. Brown Can Do. Now, he has quite a repertoire, which he unfortunately does not perform when you most want him to. Cat is OW, cow is MOO, sheep is BAA, lion is a loud scream of varying sounds depending on the day, duck is ACK ACK, and there are others, but the one that just gets me every time is dog --- he cannot say WOOF WOOF so instead he blows air twice -- like the sound you would make if you were trying to sound out a W and nothing came out! For Halloween, I am hoping he can be either a doggy or an owl so he can show off his immeasurable talent!
  
• We took Lucas to a very lame Fourth of July parade this year which basically consisted of every kind of emergency vehicle imaginable driving down the street and sounding its siren as loudly and as often as possible. Since, then Lucas has been obsessed with emergency vehicles. When you ask him what a fire truck says he will without fail tell you -- and his eyes get round as saucers when he does. The other day we were going to the grocery store and Chad pointed out a cop to me. From the back seat, Lucas made his siren sound. I laughed so hard I thought I was going to have to pull over.
  

Lest you think everything is all cute sounds and the wonderment of language development over here in toddlerland, let me just say two words -- tantrums and germs.

Lucas has been going through the terrible twos a little early, and it seems to rear its head whenever we have to make a transition from one thing to another -- like from going outside to inside. It has been a little better for the past two weeks, but goodness, there were some days there when I wasn't quite sure what to do with him. I even called the pediatrician about it, and he (not a nurse!) called me back. I got a lot of helpful tips about reinforcing positive behavior and NOT, under any circumstances, reinforcing negative behavior, as well as a little theology thrown in. Being the good Reformed person that he is, he threw in a little Augustinian theology about total depravity. Honestly, there are days when I think I get what Augustine was talking about.

The other reality in our lives right now is snotty-nosed little kids at day care who pass their snotty noses on to Lucas -- and sometimes to us by extension. He is on his second cold since starting day care a month ago. Others, including more seasoned moms and my husband, are much more rational about this than me, explaining to me that immunity-building is a rite of passage for all children, whether it happens now or in preschool or in kindergarten. I, however, am very irrational about it, convinced he is going to be sick every day for the rest of his life, convinced his little cough we hear from his room at night could quite possibly be the Plague, and convinced he is never going to be the same because of the trauma he is experiencing from being sick.

And then God punches me in the stomach and smacks me across the face all at once when I look in the obituary section of the newspaper and see a photo of a baby looking back at me, and I think what those parents would give for a runny nose. Now I'm teary eyed and sober as I write this, thanking God for my snotty-nosed little guy.

Day care

Oh, my. I cannot believe it has been so long since I have blogged. I have no explanation, apology or justification to offer except that sometimes I feel like blogging and sometimes I don't. Today I do. Who knows when the urge will come again, so I better make the most of it, right?

We now have a busy 20-month-old toddler on our hands -- how did that happen? I am continually baffled by the term toddler, which to me connotes a small fry slowly ambling around, maybe teetering a little now and again to regain his balance. This term, in my opinion, DOES NOT apply to the stage Lucas is now in which involves running full tilt from one thing to the next, and if he does stumble, he falls flat on his face with full force and hardly stops a moment before getting up and running full tilt to the next thing. How is that toddling?

Lucas is starting day care two days a week next week, so we have been in for two visits. The first time, when we walked into the room with the children his age, I went to put him down on the floor to walk around and play and he clung tightly with both hands to my shirt. So I secretly smiled inside (See, he still needs me around..) and held him for a little longer until he was ready to get down. The second visit it was time for me to leave him alone and come back and pick him up in a few hours. He hardly had time to say goodbye to me as he stuffed saltines in his mouth with the other kids and angled for his turn at playing with the bubbly water. When I came to pick him up, his care provider told me he did fine and there were no tears. No tears, my friends, until I showed up. When I told him it was time to put away the water toys and come home with Mommy, he cried. Loudly. Accompanied with plopping down on the ground in defiance and throwing a temper tantrum. Yes, my friends, my kid is the one who cries when it's time to come home with Mommy. Do I get any awards for that?

This stage is such a mix of holding on to the baby in Lucas -- cuddling him after he wakes up, holding his hand as he goes down the stairs, etc. -- and encouraging him to grow and learn new things. I have to admit Chad is much better at the latter than me -- Chad taught him to walk down stairs while holding on the railing, while I would much rather carry him forever, thank you very much. I see other boys in public or at church and I try to imagine what Lucas will look like at that age. Inevitably, I end up teary-eyed. It's the same reason I cannot get through a reading of I'll Love You Forever without crying and Lucas looking at me with a very concerned look on his face. Truly, in my heart, I want him to grow up, but goodness, it's hard on a mama.

That silver thing on the floor by your toilet

For years, I have cleaned around the silver tube-like thing and valve attached to toilets and never thought about what they're for. Well, after my morning yesterday, I have taken it upon myself to share with everyone I know what exactly that thing is for. That, my friends, turns off the water to your toilet. And it is highly recommended that when your toilet starts exploding and gushing water all over the bathroom you should turn that valve to STOP the flow of water. That will prevent the water from pouring through the floor and into your stairwell and entryway and creating a river of water that if you stop too long to think about, you realize is NOT clean water. We will just leave it at that. I feel compelled to share the other lessons I learned yesterday in the interest of stopping the cycle of ignorance about such things:
1. When you call a plumber in tears they will send someone out right away but it will cost you close to $100.
2. The nice plumber will fix your toilet, but he will not stay to clean up the mess or to watch your son while you clean up the mess.
3. The resulting cleanup will include approximately 10 loads of laundry, not including the trip to the laundramat to wash the three rugs that got soaked in the NOT-clean water.
4. When you are spewing obscenities and exclamations of shock at the exploding toilet, your one-year-old son will sit quietly in his exersaucer giving you a look of disapproval at your inability to handle stress more calmly.
5. Toilets only explode when your husband is away on a business trip.
6. Toilets are more like to explode when they were built in 1985.
7. The same day your toilet explodes will likely also be the day your son wakes up with a rash all over his legs, you spill an entire container of apple juice on your kitchen floor, AND you trip over the exersaucer while carrying one of the 10 loads of laundry.
There, now don't tell me I didn't warn you...

Creatures of Habit

Three mornings a week for the past few weeks, I have been showing up at a local coffee shop at about the same time, ordering the same thing, sitting at the same table and setting up my computer to work. I have been feeling a little awkward... wondering if the people in the coffee shop wonder why I am here every day, why I do the same thing, etc.

And then I started looking around and realizing that I was seeing the same people sitting here with their computers or meeting with friends or running in to get their coffee before work. Then I saw the same lady walk by the window with her son in a stroller every morning. And I realized that in fact, I am not the only creaure of habit. It's starting to feel like a family here, even though it's rare that anyone talks to me (except the barrista).

OK.. just as I am writing this, I saw something I have NEVER seen. About 18 kids (ages 3-4) just walked through the door with three chaperones. They are drinking apple juice and eating cookies in the deli next door. So cute.

For adults only

Thursday night Chad and I went on our first real date in months. We saw Dar Williams and Over the Rhine perform at Frederik Meijer Gardens. As I sat there munching on our picnic and waiting for the concert to start, I thought, "This feels so adult." I have never really thought like that before, but I guess now I do. There were some people who had their children there, but I was glad we did not. And I was even more glad when we called the sitter and found out he had taken 5.5 ounces from the bottle and fell asleep without protest.

One highlight of the concert was Dar singing "The Babysitter's Here." I love that song, and she just does such a good job of embodying the lyrics when she sings it.

The other highlight was "The One Who Knows." She dedicated it with such an eloquent introduction to all the people there who love and guide children. So as she sang I started getting weepy and more weepy and even started going into my "ugly cry" as Oprah calls it. And then there was a moment that put me over the edge. She sang:

You'll fly away, but take my hand until that day.
So when they ask how far love goes
When my job's done you'll be the one who knows.

And just then three Canada geese flew up from the pond behind the outdoor amphitheater and took flight above the stage.

My Neighborhood

As I sat in the local coffee shop on Friday working on my recent writing project, I got very sentimental about my neighborhood. Here's the scene that prompted it: A young girl walked into the coffee shop pushing a stroller and with a toddler following along behind. As they walked to the counter, the little girl in the stroller yelled out, "Daddy!" Turns out the babysitter was taking the kids for a walk to the park and when they stopped in for some Italian sodas, they bumped into their Dad who appeared to be having a casual business meeting. So the girls and the sitter sat down at the table with them and then proceeded to the park. (Yes, it was my eavesdropping that allowed me to gather all of this information!) It just felt so homey. It reminded me of the times when Lucas and I would stop in on our walks to see Chad when he was working on his Notre Dame coursework at the same coffee shop.

Here are some other reasons I love our neighborhood:

• The park, which is a short walk away and has swings, Lucas's new favorite thing
• The bakery and their chocolate chunk cookies
• The deli which recently started serving breakfast sandwiches in addition to lunch. Chad was their first breakfast customer so they framed his dollar bill.
• Being able to walk to Farmer's Market
• The mix of old and young residents
• The Enchanted Forest, as we call the woods in the nearby college we can walk through
• Did I mention walking, walking and more walking!
• Sitting on our front porch

I drive through some suburban developments, and I just feel sad. Yes, the homes are beautiful and I will admit to coveting them sometimes, but when I consider the surroundings and lifestyle they come with, I am not sure it's worth it.